Cancer of the Heart

I admit, I’m jealous. Yes, I am jealous with those talented people who can paint anything using different kind of medium such as charcoal, watercolor, oil pastels, color pencils, color pens, and whatever medium there is in the market. As much as I appreciate their works and get awed by the awesomeness and greatness of their arts, my heart is slowly eaten by envy. I always asked why can’t I just be like them? Why can’t I be good in painting? Why do I suck in coloring? There’s so many whys in my mind.

I keep on drawing in a piece of paper, trying to copy their art pieces, learning how they color them one by one, but I end up ruining it. The result would always be hundred percent different. I’m doomed. My heart is crushed into pieces. I would sulk in the corner, wanting to throw away all my art tools. I told myself that I will never ever be good as them. But then, as if someone hit my head and whispered to my ears “You can never be as good as them because you are different.”. It’s like winning a jackpot in lottery. Yeah, that’s it. That’s the answer I’ve been looking for-the answer to all the whys in my head.

I should not be jealous because I am different. I have my own style, and artist should not be alike. An original is more valuable than a copycat. Yes, that should be my motto in painting. No matter how ugly it may turn out, I should still be proud of myself for trying. I should pat myself in the back for doing what I love to do, and painting is one of them. I may have a long way to learn, but I’m one step closer to it.






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